The Dating Slow Lane

In less than three months after the break up of an eight year relationship that included two children together my friend and her ex fiance have both found new significant others. I on the other hand have been in the dating world for years and have yet to get really serious with anyone after my break up of a twelve year relationship that included almost seven years of marriage. Most counselors will tell you that after the ending of a relationship you need time to think and grieve. Time to figure out who you are and what you really want out of life. Time to heal. Yet, is just a few months or even weeks enough time to move on? For some maybe yes, but what about for others of us who have just been kind of floating for years? Are we just being overly cautious? Do the ones who seem to have no trouble with dating and relating know something that we don’t or are they the type of people that can’t stand to be alone? For some of us it is easier to be on our own that to try and gamble that our next relationship could end as badly or worse than our last one. That same friend with the new break up and new boyfriend said recently, there’s someone for everyone. Yes, that’s a great, optomistic thing to say when you have that googly eyed look of new love in your eyes. That’s a nice thought and one I’d love to hang on to, but how real is it? Maybe if I was in a relationship I’d say the same thing to my single friends. Yet, some of us don’t want to lower our standards or settle. However, are those just excuses to try and compensate for the truth that we are really alone and scared and may have no idea why? Dating can be confusing and frightening. In a world where people aren’t always honest and many misrepresent themselves how do you find something real? Then if you find something real or something you thought was real and it goes bad then what? Follow your heart, just get out there, it’s just dating it doesn’t have to be so serious, but the thing is when it comes to matters of the heart and soul it is serious. There is real damage done when things break apart. When people turn out to be nothing like you thought they were. When you have put yourself out there and you realize you are standing alone again. The last couple of times I followed my heart it ended in a mess. So being cautious seems like the right way to go. The thing is that if we really wanted to be in the dating fast lane, wouldn’t we? I just don’t know and I can’t help but wonder why some of us seem stuck in the dating slow lane while others are flying by?