Love and Addiction

Addictions are powerful. They are all consuming. They bring much pleasure for a moment, but bring even more pain when you return to real life. I am a child of an addict. I have been on guard my whole life against the temptations of life. Addiction is in my blood. It's a part of me. My mother is an addict. It doesn't matter to what. It just matters that she was. Correction, is. I've spent years covering up, making excuses and trying to forget. It's so difficult to watch someone you love throw their life away. You wonder why your love and support is not enough for them. Why do they need to turn to something else? My mother's addiction has been labeled a disease. Something that can be overcome, healed. Yet, with anything healing is a choice. Do you want to get well? That's not really the question. The question is do you want to do the work to get well? Is the pain of changing greater than the pain of your addiction? I miss my mom even though I see her every week. I miss what a true mother daughter relationship could be. I also dread the fact that I know what is coming. With her addiction raising it's ugly head and begging for attention it will need to be addressed. I know who will eventually have to address it. I've spent too many years staring eye to eye with the elephant in the room. I can't live that way anymore. The confrontation will be ugly no matter how loving you approach it. There will be anger and tears. It could possibly be the severing of the relationship. I don't know. To be honest I'd rather live in oblivion. I'd rather live in my own world and not get involved. Yet, when the addiction starts to spill over into your own life and affect you, something has to be done. How long will it go on before something really bad happens? I've been telling a friend of mine that I am going to run off and join the circus. It sounds like a great idea. How far would I have to go to not have to deal with a messy life? It's so tempting to just run away. My bags are packed, I'm ready to go. Why do I stay? What keeps me here? Love and addition two of the strongest forces on the planet. I wonder in my mom's case which one will win