Filler Friends

I have a friend who is big on the idea of “filler” boyfriends or for the guys a “filler” girlfriend. The “filler” is the one who when your relationship breaks up you find to temporarily fill in for the one who is now gone. Since I spend most of my time in the dating slow lane or no lane this concept was somewhat foreign to me. It used to be that when a relationship ended you took the time to grieve, break things and reflect upon all that happened. You thought about what went wrong so you can avoid making those same mistakes in your next relationship. You took the time to find yourself again and figure out what you really want. Friday and Saturday nights become movie rental and ice cream nights at home and your friends reappeared in your life again. Apparently, that way of doing things is archaic and too old fashioned for sophisticated daters these days. It’s a different dating world now. Since we live in the drive thru mentality of I want things now why should dating be any different? If you don’t like what is being served to you it’s easy to just go across the street and order something else. Several gals I know just got out of serious relationships and before a week had passed they were already hanging out with new guys. I asked how can you go ahead and move on to another guy when you have barely told the last one goodbye? Then I got an education on the “filler.” It turns out the filler isn’t really someone you would ever really seriously consider dating. The role of the filler is to talk to you on the phone, email and hang out with each other until someone else comes along. The filler is sort of your very own romantic babysitter or emotional crutch. These people make you feel good and are great for your ego. So, in some way they help you move on from the last broken relationship you had. However, isn’t that like putting a band aid over a knife wound? The concept of the filler is to just to be friends, but many times one person doesn’t get that message and wants something more. Of course it brings up the question of can a guy and a girl just be friends? So, is having a filler boy or girl friend a mean thing to do? Is it ok to do as long as you go in and state the rules up front and no one gets hurt? Does the one playing the role of the filler suffer or benefit in any way? Doesn’t the filler benefit by having someone to hang out with and new experiences? Also, if the one playing the role of the filler didn’t want to get involved wouldn’t they just decline your phone calls? Yet, is having a filler boy or girl friend what it really takes to move on after a relationship ends? I find that I am a slower healer, both physically and emotionally. I need time to process and regroup. So, its hard for me to imagine hanging out with someone new while my heart is still freshly wounded and bleeding over some one else. It also makes me think what happens if you end up meeting someone else? How do you drop your filler? We live in a society that wants to be pain free. Yet, doesn’t pain serve some purpose? What happened to feeling and dealing with the pain? Is the best remedy for a broken heart to patch it up with a filler?