Creative Child

My creative work is like having my own child. It has my blood. It has my heart. It looks like me, it sounds like me. I’m very protective of it. Most artists are. Sharing your work with others can be a very difficult experience. You risk judgment and criticism when you do. I have a friend who is a photographer that gets so upset when someone says something unflattering about her pictures. Instead of defending the work she tends to doubt her own abilities. The thing is not everyone will like everything I write. Not everyone will like all the pictures my friend takes. However, if someone says something negative about your creative work it still has invoked some sort of emotion. You can take some satisfaction in knowing that people are at least taking the time to see what you are putting out there. A personal note to my photographer friend. DEFEND your work! It’s good and it’s worth it.

It’s been said that having children is forever having your heart go walking outside of your body. I think that could be said of those who produce art. We are forever going to see our perspective out in the world. No longer is in just in our mind, but its put in a place for the whole world to see. An artist knows that what they create can have great impact. It can make people think or it can show them a new way of seeing.

I guard my writing the way a mother would protect her children. I am aware that in a world of information overload your great idea can easily be taken from you. New ideas have to be protected. I have learned that you have to be very careful about sharing your work.. Writing a blog is one thing, but having your book ideas spilled out all over the internet is another. Choose your creative companions carefully. Collaborating creatively with someone is like being in a marriage. Most of the time you are committing to this person for the long haul. You have to be involved with someone who you trust completely and can be authentic with. A person with who you can be brutally honest, transparent and vulnerable. Also, someone who you can resolve conflicts with because even in the best relationships there is conflict.

Writing a blog has been somewhat easy for me. Publishing it was totally different. I now know that there are other eyes and perspectives checking it out. I stress more over what topics to write about. I’m constantly thinking will this apply to my audience? I read an article recently where a writer quit blogging because it took away from her actual book writing. It’s much easier to lay down 500 or so words about random anything and have your friends give you an immediate reaction to what you have said. It’s much harder to write to a future unknown audience. To spend day after day at the local coffee shop or night after night at home alone grinding out words.

My friend Jason asked me once about what is it that drives a person to be creative. What makes you have to do it? I’m not sure. All I know for myself is that the words flood my mind and I am not released until I get them out. It’s like a prisoner waiting to be freed. The words pace back in forth in my mind wanting to escape. That’s how it works for me. That’s how this piece came about. The sentences were so strong in my head that I had to get them out before I could move on to something else. So this is it because these words are now freed and so now am I.

Toxic Friends

I've been thinking recently about toxic friends. People we have as friends in our lives that may not be in our best interest. They are the friends that you have lunch with or talk on the phone to and you feel awful by the end of your time together. I've made a list of my top types of toxic friends. Can you identify any of these in your life?

Takers-These friends make you cringe when you see their number come up on caller id. You already know that need something from you, whether it is emotionally or financially or whatever. These friends drain the life out of you. The come by and plug into your life for a boost of energy and completely zap you of what you have. Usually these friends have a lot of drama or conflict in their lives.

Then there is the it's all about me friends. Most of these people are easy to spot, but I've found that a lot of self proclaimed unselfish friends really are very selfish in fact. These people are the type where it doesn't matter what you are talking about they somehow manage to turn the conversation back on themselves. Don't take these people to lunch unless you plan on being quiet the whole time.

Then we have the negative friends. Every time you talk to them it's doom and gloom. After you are done hanging out with them you feel like you need therapy. I've learned in my life that these people need to have drama and pain just to feel like their life is worth something. They also have no interest in solutions, they just want to keep talking about their problems.

Sabotogers These friends are the ones that pretend to be on your side, but in some subtle way they try to trip you up. These can also be known as fat friends. You know the type that as soon as you decide to give up chocolate and eat healthy are bringing you a batch of chocolate chip cookies that they baked especially for you. These types can be hard to spot. They seem so caring and loving to you. They listen to your problems and may have been your friend for years. You never know when this will pop up. This is the friend type that has taken me by surprise the most. When things started to hit a fantastic point for me all of the sudden things changed. Some of my closest friends tried to sabotoge my life.

Obsessive friends-This is a strange type of friend to have. They are the people that try to somehow live their lives through you. They are talking to other people about you and what you are doing. They try to take matters into their own hands to solve your problems. For some odd reason you are on their mind a lot. I believe that typically these people have little going on in their life or might be trying to escape their own lives and jump into yours.


How do you deal with toxic friends? I always think that being up front and honest is the best way to deal with everything. I know tons of people hate conflict, but pretending that everything is ok is living a lie. Confronting toxic friends is not an easy task. Their own sensitivity or low self esteem could cause a huge back lash to come against you. Be prepared. They may even decide to not be friends anymore. That's ok if they do. Regardless how long a relationship has been going on having someone in your life that is not there for you in good and bad is not worth having around.

Singular

sin·gu·lar 'si[ng]-gy&-l&r adjective
from singulus only one -- more at SINGLE1 a : of or relating to a separate person or thing : INDIVIDUAL b : of, relating to, or being a word form denoting one person, thing, or instance c : of or relating to a single instance or to something considered by itself2 : distinguished by superiority : EXCEPTIONAL 3 : being out of the ordinary : UNUSUAL synonym see STRANGE


As a 33 year old single woman with no kids and no pets I am a rarity in the world. Most people my age are married with children or divorced with children. At a recent dinner with some girlfriends catching up, all the girls were chatting about their husbands and kids. The only thing I could really add was I’m thinking of selling my house and buying a convertible. They giggled after I said it and gave me the poor little single girl look. I felt like I had to justify my comments. Remember ladies it’s just me, what else should I spend my money on?

Married people are so funny. It’s like once they are married they totally forget about the single experience. One of my married couple friends told me a story about one of their close friends who met somebody off a popular website. They were concerned that their friend had almost become someone else. Their single friend and her new love interest moved in together and things had changed. They were so cute telling the story and being so concerned about their friend. I reminded them of what it is like to be single and alone. Sometimes you don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes you have to take a chance and see where things go. Married people are always so worried about the choices of their naïve single friends.

Just last week I was at a baseball game that my six year old nephew was playing in. As I looked around at all the families I began to wonder about my life. Had I made the right choices? Had I missed out on where I was supposed to be? Shouldn’t I be married with kids by now? Am I behind on my life plan? Is it society that dictates to us 33 year old singles that we aren’t where we are suppose to be? Do I bring more to the table than just talking about my latest shoe purchase or if some guy across the hall is going to ask me to lunch?

My ex use to tell me that people are single by choice. Of course it wasn’t my choice for him to dump me. However, am I single by choice and does choosing to be single make you a selfish person? Is it ok to want to be able to travel, work a job on your own terms or spend your money on shoes and fashion magazines without having to worry about how your every decision would effect someone else? Is it ok to have made different life choices?

I love Sundays at Target. It’s a land full of couples and families. As I walk around the store I wonder how was I allowed in. A single girl. I may have gotten in because I was with my sister and nephews. I think that counts as a family. The other possibility is that I was carrying my Louis Vuitton bag. That’s another thing about Sunday’s at Target, it looks like all the perfectly, pretty people came out to do their shopping at one time. Plus, all the women seem to have expensive purses.

I was recently watching an episode of Sex and the City when Carrie was asked do you like being single. I thought about that question. Do I like being single? Answering that is tricky. If you answer no then you come off as sad and pathetic. If you answer yes you may appear as independent and not wanting anyone in your life. The thing is there are moments I like being single. Other times I don’t. So, was my ex right is being single a choice?

Hiding In The Closet

When was the last time you let a visitor at your house check out your closets? Many times in preparation for company we cram everything in our closets just to hide all the things we have no idea what to do with. The things that just hang around the house that have no real place. I recently had a friend over and opened my closet to reveal how many pairs of shoes I had. I’m no Amelda Marcus, but I like my shoes. The thing is that a pink pair of shoes changed my life. Isn’t it funny that something as simple and common as shoes can make an alteration in the way you live your life?

A couple of years ago my friend Shelli challenged me with pink shoes. She claimed you just feel and act differently wearing them. I was quite intrigued with her idea, so I decided to try it. I’ve always liked shoes, but if they weren’t black I didn’t really have an interest in them. So, I took the pink shoe challenge and have never looked back. The only time I wore boring shoes was over the past six months due to doctors orders to wear flats for my broken foot. Ok, I am a rebel and snuck my heels in every once in a while. I got a great pair of Kate Spades that get both the women and men talking. They are fierce! Those of you who have seen them know what I am talking about.

It’s true that certain shoes make you feel different. Shoes can say a lot about you. One of my aunts has always told me that when you are checking out men look at their watch and their shoes. There’s something to be said for that. I remember being with a group of gal pals once hanging out chatting about one of our friends. She was the type of woman that always wanted your approval and apologized for everything she said and did. It bothered me every time we had a conversation. I would tell her all the time just be who you are, say what you got to say and don’t apologize for it. One of the girls pointed out her shoes. Look at her shoes she said, they just aren’t fun. It was true. Her shoes symbolized her life. They were almost apologetic themselves.

Sandals make me feel sassy. I don’t know what it is about them. That’s how the whole closet thing got started. My friend asked me how many pair of sandals I owned. I didn’t really know so on a whim I said let’s go see. After checking out the shoes the next thing you know I was in the pantry and the fridge showing it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. The yucky parts. The unorganized, flawed parts. The imperfections. The things we try to hide. The things we don’t anyone to see. These dark places and spaces we are ashamed of. The things that we make excuses for. Yet, my friend didn’t blink an eye. No judgement. Nothing. Just ok. Some of this looks like my place. It was comforting to know I wasn’t the only person on the planet that had messy closets and enough cereal to feed an army in their pantry.

The whole showing of the closets and pantry was strange to me at first. I wondered what was I doing? Why I am just opening up everything and letting it be known? Maybe I should have just given an estimate on the number of sandals I owned and continued with the facade of perfection. The whole experience got me thinking. Why do we feel as if we have to be a certain way with people? What is the thinking behind having to be perfect people, with perfect houses? Isn’t it the flaws that make us who we are? Isn’t it the acceptance of the flaws in others that makes us better people and makes them more endearing? A big shout out to my friend who just accepts me and lets me be who I am. An imperfect girl with messy closets.

We hide behind fake smiles, baggy clothes and sassy sandals. We hide any type of imperfection on both the inside and outside. What are we afraid of? In a society that strives for perfection that they will never attain I can’t help but wonder why are we hiding in the closet?

Elevator Talk

Currently I work in a building that requires me to ride the elevator to the 11th floor where my office is located. This is the first building that I have worked in that I had to take an elevator ride. (Yes, the stairs used to be an option, but since the doors are only unlocked on the inside of the actual floors I would have to keep knocking for someone to let me in.) People are interesting in this small space. There really isn’t any elevator etiquette that I am aware of. The thing is that it is weird to not talk to someone when they are standing in “your space”, but then it is awkward to talk to them too. You never know what people might say in the elevator. Most people just try to ignore you for the most part. No eye contact, move as close to the sides or back as possible. Stand up straight, tuck everything as close to you as you can and stare straight ahead is the normal look of elevator riders. Sometimes people are on their cell phones when they ride. That way they can ignore you without really appearing rude, they are just busy. I had a conversation recently with a guy who asked, whatever happened to elevator music? At least in the elevators I ride in there isn’t any music at all. I was thinking it would be cool if you could customize your elevator ride with music. It could be like a jukebox. There are six elevators in my building so there can be six different musical genres. You can ride in the country music elevator, the pop elevator or even the jazz one. There could possibly even be a karaoke elevator for those who are really brave. Ok, so these aren’t options currently. Then, what’s a girl to do? Am I rude if I ignore you in the elevator? Am I considered weird if I talk to you? It is good manners to be friendly or do politeness and quietness go hand in hand? I find that men are generally more talkative and more inclined to strike up an elevator conversation. Let’s say you want to talk in the elevator, what do you say? Nice weather or come here often? Those are the same pick up lines used every weekend in bars. Another opener is to compliment the person’s shoes or something. Who knows? I was thinking recently maybe I needed some standard elevator conversation starters. A couple of opening lines or questions I could use to be a little more friendly in the elevator. I have also considered just asking those I ride with, do you think it is rude to make conversation in an elevator or is it rude to just pretend like you are not standing beside me? Is it right or wrong to somehow acknowledge there is a living, breathing human standing beside you? In our politically correct society I can’t help but wonder when it comes to the elevator what are the rules to ride?

Fools

Fool-A person lacking in judgement.


We've all at times felt like a fool or have done foolish things. Sometimes we just lack good judgement in life. There's an old song that asks the question Why Do Fools Fall In Love? I read in a book recently that if we remembered the pain of each of our lost loves we would never do it again. Isn't it funny how some things that hurt so bady at one point eventually fade? I'm not saying you don't remember it, but the intensity is less. The scars remain they just aren't tender to the touch. Yet, when you take a chance and try to pursue love does it really make you a fool? Isn't that what life is about? Taking risks? Taking a chance? Being hopeful about the possibilities? Who ends up being the fool in broken relationships? I've been thinking lately about things that we say no to or turn down. Do we really know what we are missing when we say no to something? We pass on jobs and boyfriends when we could really be throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime. Sometimes we make snap decisions or let feelings of fear dicate our actions. That's when we are foolish and sometimes our foolish actions or decisions hurt others. So, in honor of April 1st the day of fools, I think we should celebrate some of our foolish decisions. Like the time we decided to really put our selves out there for someone even when we felt like a fool and it didn't work out or maybe the time we were dumped and felt so foolish that we even thought about liking that person. Being honest and real and trying to make relationships work never makes you the fool. Maybe it's the one who said no to you that is the real fool. Not that they would probably ever admit it, because if they did wouldn't they look like a fool?