One Bad Apple

When I started my online dating adventure a few weeks ago my mind was open to the possibility that maybe not everyone online is creepy and possibly dating could be fun. My last blog covered the range of emotions one can feel while on this journey. However, I don’t know why but for some reason I’ve let one bad apple almost ruin the whole thing for me. Of my endless emails, phone calls, chats etc. I actually ended up having coffee with a guy. A very nice guy. A guy that was cute and what I would classify as “normal.” We had similar interests and talked for hours. Two and a half hours to be exact. Then nothing. I don’t get that. Why does that happen? Where does the communication break down? Am I missing something here? I think that the most annoying part is why does it still bother me? My gut feeling is to want to call this guy bad names and say he’s a jerk, but the truth is I don’t really think that he is. Ok, he could be and maybe I just don’t recognize them anymore. It’s hard to say. I know the thing to do is move and say next. Yet, I still wonder what happened? I suppose at this point that really it doesn’t matter, yet it would just be nice to know. Because if I did something I would be glad to apologize, learn from my mistake and move on instead of the big question mark that remains in my head about the situation. The thing is there are other guys that I could go out with, but I’m thinking for now I’m just over it. Maybe it’s time to just take my bat and ball and go home for now. Helen Keller once said that sometimes when one door closes the person spends so long looking at the closed door that they miss the other possibilities around them. There’s great wisdom in that statement. I guess the thing is that it’s just not fun anymore. It’s not winks, emails, shared interests and possibilities. It’s people being who they really are. They disappear, they don’t call you or they quit emailing. It’s real life and it’s real people which can usually be disappointing. So, you can lower your standards and at times you consider this because maybe they are too high or maybe someone tells you that you are too picky. I actually have learned some great lessons from online dating. I’ve also learned a lot about myself. There are some things that are just deal breakers and non negotiable no matter how nice some people are or how much they like you. So, I guess it’s never a waste of time if you learn something. Oh and by the way the bad apple that never emailed or called me back was in the psychology field. You would think that he would have had enough compassion for a person’s mental health to at least give them some closure. Here’s some advice. In dating relationships if you don’t think that person is for you, just tell them honestly and with tact. Because your fear of being the “bad” person and hurting someone’s feelings that makes you just disappear from them is what really makes you into the bad person.

Online Journey To Insanity-Crash and Burn Time

Over the past month a friend and I have been doing the whole online dating thing. The more our society becomes technologically savvy the less of a stigma there seems to be with meeting someone on the internet. When we first got started with the whole online adventure it was quite a rush. In the beginning you are bombarded with emails, winks and views. It’s very flattering and great for the ego. It’s also just really fun and interesting. You start out on a high thinking of the possibilities. Could I click with this one or this one? It’s like being a kid in a candy store. The options seem endless. You feel as if maybe, just possibly you could actually get your hopes up. Then things progress on. The days become weeks and you go from exhilarated to just plain overwhelmed. You start to see patterns and red flags. Then you begin to question everything. I read recently that about 40% of the people with online profiles are married. The article even gave you tips to try and figure out who is married and who’s not based on various things in a persons profile. Eventually, your feelings go from being overwhelmed to frightened. I am surprised the range of emotions you can go through even with something as silly as online dating. My personal experience has been pretty good. I’ve talked to some nice guys. I’ve been out with some nice guys. Then I’ve had some that just seem to disappear and it leaves me wondering what happened? Those are the most frustrating ones. Then you find yourself bombarded with questions. I have asked myself over and over, its it them or is it me? What are the deal breakers? How do I know if I am settling? How do I know if this person is who they say they are? Did I really like this at first? Are there certain rules to this game that I should know? Am I crazy? Are they crazy? Are we all crazy? For some odd reason it makes me think of the episode of Sex And The City when Carrie goes to see a therapist and realizes she picks the wrong men. Then the question becomes do I pick the wrong men or do they pick me? Maybe I should get into therapy. Maybe I should forget dating and go ahead and invest in more cats. And on and on and on…Until one day you just cancel your accounts and either book an appointment and get into therapy or you go back to living your single life in the real world.